So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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