So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
