Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
