i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Farmville is her only friend.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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