this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
