Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Buhtt sex?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
