I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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