I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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