I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
