So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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