four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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