There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
