Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
