i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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