Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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