i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
