The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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