Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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