It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
