My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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