i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
