If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
