I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
