I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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