it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
