We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
