Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
