wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
