I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
