she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
