Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
