turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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