I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
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