I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
