It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
