Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
