On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
im on a boat
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