Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
