He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
