I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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