i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
