I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
