what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
