for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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