I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
