we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
