I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
