No period for spring break; use this wisely.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
