happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
