she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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