The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
