I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
