Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
There are leaves in my underwear?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
