dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
