the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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